I sit here in complete shock still. It was less then 24 hours ago when I woke up to a facebook status update that stated one of my beloved friends from college has sadly passed. My heart stopped. I didn’t believe it. I still don’t. I instantly felt sick to my stomache and tears started forming in my eyes. I honestly did not know what to do, and I still don’t. I thought to call my mom right away. She knew something was wrong, and asked and I just burstttt into tears. I was blabbering and I don’t even remember what I said. I just know that there was this deep deep hurt inside my heart that will never go away. For those of you that don’t know, this is the firth person in the past 2 years that has recently passed on me. I wish it would get easier but honestly it doesn’t. If anything, it just gets harder and harder. Its like I wake up and just pray I don’t get negative news about something from back home. It doesn’t help being over here because honestly your so helpless. You can’t run to your mom and dad and get a big hug. You need to face reality and suck it all up. You grow up so quickly over death. Its terribly scary.
Johnie Kirton was one of my best guy friends at the University of Washington. He befriended me my freshman year, and we were at times inseparable ever since then. We shared stories, we shared laughter, we shared nights out with friends, we had sleepovers, we had fights, but at the end of the day, we had each others back until the end. He came to pretty much every one of our home games, and he’d ALWAYS text me after the games just to let me know he was there supporting me. I would honestly consider him one of my close close guy friends. Women would admit it, its hard to have a guy as just a “friend” without either them or us wanting more, but Johnie and I were friends, we had this mutual love for each other and respect. His smile to me was contagious. His personality would light up a room, and when I was down, he was someone I KNEW I could count on to change my whole perspective on life. If there was one person I trusted in college it was him. We had SOO many amazing moments together. I know one of his best friends Desmond Davis, who I love dearly is hurting so badly right now, and I want him to know I love him deeply and I’ll always be here if he ever needs me. Johnie, me and Desmond, ALWAYS had so much fun together. I remember one fond moment Johnie and I had before we both finished up college. He seemed in a different mood one day, I approached him, and asked him what was going on. He was weird at first, but soon opened up and told me he had a daughter on the way. At first I was a little shocked, but it set it and I soon realized how friggin excited he was to bring another life into this world. There was no other man out there for the job, then J.K. He did have a beautiful baby girl! I see photos of her now and see so much of him. I would want her to know he was SO SO SO proud of her and was at times blown away with her beauty. Her mother was of course stunning, but the combination of them both made for a beautiful baby girl. If I would want Johnie to know anything it would be this, ” I’m so thankful for your friendship and everything that you were to me, when I think of you I only thing of amazing things, anytime I would see you, I would run as fast as I could and leap into your arms and catch you by surprise, your smile made my day at times, your sense of humor, well your a guy so you had your moments, you wouldn’t hurt a fly, your love for life was contagious and I promise you this, not a day will go by that I wont think of you….I love you for so many reasons, but I love you most for loving me for me.”
Like I said above, I’m still in compete shock. One of my best friends was taken, and there is not one thing I can do. I know in times like these it reallllllly reallllllllly makes you sit back and think, it gives you perspective and it allows for you to be thankful for certain people in your life. I wanted to post some pictures of influential people in my life. I’m sorry if I have missed some people, there are obviously a lot of people that have made my life a little bit better. One thing you really realize when someone so special has left this earth, is who cares the absolute MOST about your…. who makes that tiny effort to let you know they are thinking about you? Or many other different things. Thank you again to everyone out there that has my back. I appreciate you all. I lost an amazing friend today, and I don’t think I will ever be the same again. My heart is aching and my perspective on things are so much different.
Don’t take anything for granite people, love with all you have…. and know what you want out of life… if someone isn’t giving you that, let them go, be with people who fill your bucket to the fullest. Johnie K… I love you brother… your smile will forever be in my heart… say hello to my sister up there… let her know I can’t wait to see her again..
Thanks again to everyone that takes the time to read these…